If I were a set director, this would have been in Belle & Sebastian's "Funny Little Frog" video. Try listening to this song and not thinking about this shower curtain or vice-versa. I dare you.
As I've said before, shower curtains mean a lot to me. I'm going to be honest - I judge your style on your choice of shower curtain. It's not logical or fair, but it's what I do. Color me human.
I see it as such an opportunity to showcase your personal style - a huge blank canvas that you can do anything you want with. You don't even have to know how to draw! {Editor's note: that's important for people like me who can only draw two things, one being an eye and the other being a snoopy out of the number 25.}
Let's say you have a stark-white, standard apartment bathroom. I'm with you on that. You may or may not be able to paint it, and you have to be careful there, considering the size of the bathroom as it's really easy to overwhelm a typically small space with color, giving it that pleasant feel of claustrophobia or panic. Let's say you can't paint it but you really want some color in there, or something that makes you smile, your personal stamp on what is otherwise a very fixed environment.
May I present - the Singing in the Rain shower curtain from Target. Graphically, it's right on the mark, very striking while avoiding an overwhelming pattern. And who can resist the pull of the romantic, optimistic theme? I will admit that this may skew a bit female, but I think a man could pull this off, especially with a darker/duller color curtain liner. Grey would be quite cheeky.
Well, it's actually not raining and I do feel like singing a bit, so I'm out of here. You can find this on target.com, but you must go to the Red Hot Shop on the homepage, and scroll about halfway down. I trust you to be able to navigate a website.
Singing in the Rain Shower Curtain, $19.99, target.com
Lots and lots of Gene Kelly-esque love, K
This post isn't for the faint of heart or those who are running low on discipline. This post is for those who have straight-up fucked themselves. Financially, of course. What you do on your own time isn't my business. Unless you want to tell me.
Anyway - let's say you've been less than careful with your finances as of late. Since we believe our own lies the most, I'll lay out some signs that indicate you need to get not just a grip, but a choke-hold on your money situation:
1. You run out of money for essentials before your next pay period. By this, I mean you can't fill your gas tank, are getting anything you can for free, and are avoiding things like parking meters, as you need that change for the candy bar you're going to buy for dinner.
2. You're using credit cards to fill in the gaps (usually as a result of #1).
This means you don't have any cash for the essentials, but you're putting them on plastic. You might even be going beyond that and adding in some dinners out or clothes here and there.
HUGE.FUCKING.MISTAKE.
If you're doing this - stop. stop now, and I mean this minute, young lady/man. Cut the card up or get someone else to cut it up for you if you have to. This is not a solution, this is the financial equivalent of putting a band-aid on a hemorrhaging head wound. It might work for this instant, but the long-term damage is severe.
3. You're borrowing money from family/friends/others with no real intentions or plans to pay it back. Come on now! Your irresponsibility is now spilling into other people's lives. It's messy, embarrassing, selfish and shows poor character. If you are truly in trouble, i.e., you need to make bail or have emergency surgery - that is an exception. Most things are not, that's why those instances are called EXCEPTIONS. Anything from #1 or #2 does not fall into this. Handle your business.
4. Any of the above is happening without a loss of a job, serious illness or some other severe life circumstance. Things happen in life that are way beyond our control, and sometimes we need some extra help. If you are in this boat, speak with a financial professional who may be able to assist you. If you are NOT in this boat, keep reading before your credit score plunges any further.
Now that I've laid out the criteria, I'll also tell you that I've never had to make bail, but I've been BROKE in my lifetime, and I've done all 3 of these things listed above. I'm not proud of my financial past, but I took a long, hard look and did something about it. I have three rules - a.) I pay cash for it, or I can't afford it, unless it's a car or a house.
b.) If the choice is to pay the bill now or wait until the next paycheck, I pay it NOW before I can decide otherwise.
c.) If I slip into any of the behaviors listed above, I go to the envelope method.
The envelope method has saved me. A lot of my bad financial decisions actually came from worrying and making impulse purchases. Basically, I felt like I wasn't going to have enough so I spent too much, therefore creating that situation for myself. The envelope method will make sure you have enough. You may not have a lot, but you will have enough. Sometimes these two things are farther apart than we'd like them to be. Suck it up. If you do this long enough, it will change.
This is very simple - you get paid. You pay all of your current bills. If you cannot pay all of the bills without having NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, hold at least $50 - $75 back, take the bill that is due the furthest out, and call your creditor to explain that you will be late. Pay that bill first with your next check,
Let's assume you're starting clean, and get paid every 2 weeks. You can pay the impending bills, and have a little left over. Not a lot, but some. Probably just enough to feel like you're simply working to pay your bills and that it sucks. Here we go....
1. Stop your line of thinking and go get 4-5 envelopes.
2. Pin down the exact amount of money you have left, and err on the side of caution, meaning you underestimate by about $10 or so.
3. Go to the ATM and pull all of this money out. CHANGE IT INTO SMALLER BILLS ($10's and $5's are ideal).
4. Label the envelopes according to your NEEDS - gas, food, medical/personal products, and FUN/OTHER. Personally, I keep an envelope for cigarettes as well. Break it up by what you consider your essentials. Make sure you keep an envelope for FUN. I don't care if you only have $5 to put in it, you need one or this will not work.
5.Start dividing the money in a realistic manner into the envelopes, based on how much you have and what you plan to use on each. Example: I have $200 for the next 2 weeks. This is what my envelopes would look like:
-gas: $40
-food(which means groceries): $80
-medical/personal:$20
-cigarettes: $20
-fun: $60
**side note: going out to eat comes from the fun envelope**
6. Pull the money from the correct envelope for what you will buy THAT DAY and no more. If you know you are going grocery shopping that day and getting gas, pull out $60 (40 for the groceries & 20 for the gas) - you have now spent that week's money, but you have some gas and you have something to eat. If you don't spend it all, put it back in the envelope it came from. If it's the day before you get paid again and you still have some money in that envelope, spend 1/2 of it on FUN, and put 1/2 of it in a savings account.
7. Empty and replenish your wallet every day - from the correct envelope, with the correct budgeted amount. Put any remainders back at the end of the day.
8. If you have a surplus in one area, move it around. If after a few weeks of doing this, I find that $80 is too much groceries for me for 2 weeks, I might put a little more into cigarettes or medical/personal, if I wanted some nice conditioner or something like that. This propels you to really think about your purchases and start making some sacrifices like driving less, buying cheaper products, using coupons, etc. You will learn what you value and where you can comfortably skimp. I will buy the store-brand contact solution and bar soap every day of the week if it means I can go see a movie on Friday and not have to put it on plastic.
9. When you are at the point where you can pay all bills on time and at least one of them ahead of time, try going without the envelopes. By this point, you've learned a lot about your spending habits, budgeting and some self-discipline. You've built a little cushion, so try to see if you can fly on your own. You can always go back to the envelopes if and when you need them.
Well, there you have it, mes amis. A way to dig yourself out of the hole while not feeling completely deprived. I wish I could take credit for all of this, but someone showed this to me long ago, and while I have put my own twists on it, it was passed on to me as I am passing it onto you. It's simple and it works. If you try this, I would love to hear how you do with it.
After all, I love you enough to tell you the truth, right?
Next post will be clothing-related. For now, save those pennies so you can be a responsible consumer.
Lots of thick, tough love, K
